Release Tensen lah

Aku nak tulis dalam blog ni pon dah rasa takut. Dulu sikit punye free nak tulis...idea mencurah-curah....semua main tibai jer tulis...sekarang aku rasa mcm ada byk sgt barrier...1st barrier of courselah, semakin tiada masa nak tulis....idea masih mencurah-curah, masa jer makin kurang....then 2nd barrier, government...manalah tahu kot2 aku tulis mende2 sensitif, kang kena ISA pulak, siapa pulak nak jamin aku...dulu ada gak member yg kenal2 org politik and org kuat gomen, kot2 lah kena tangkap, member boleh tolong bagi testimoni mintak lepas...ini member pon dah ada kat UK, ikut bini nun....seram lah gua....then 3rdly, aku dah jadik pulak Approving Authority. Apa maknanya tu?

 

If I own a business, I can order people and issue out order at my whims and fancies. Now, this is not my company. I am a servant. But I am the Approving Authority. Kot2 ada yg tak puas hati kat aku, habis lah blog aku kena serang...ini bahaya! Prevention is better than cure! Perasan? Ada ke org nak baca lagi blog aku yg dah lama sunyi sepi ni? Kalau rumah terbiar, dah naik semak samun beb. Nasib baik pulak si blogspot tak gelapkan this blog. Kan ada sesetengah mende yg kalau lama tak activate, abis dia gelapkan. Macam duit simpanan aku kat BSN. Dah 5 tahun lebih aku tak update, sekali dia kata- duit ni kami dah hantar ke Wang Amanah Tak Dituntut. Lepas tu bila ko nak tuntut, kena isi segala mcm tok nenek form, supaya ko hilang selera nak tuntut. That's the idea lah. Tak nak ko tuntut.

 

Have you listened to some songs and that songs made you remember certain stories...or memori silam? I am that type of person you know. When I listen to Wet Wet Wet's World is All Around, I remember I was sitting besides someone special on a Metrobus, en route to KL from Shah Alam. I know that someone is still single as of to date. Apsal lah ko tak kawin lagi? Nasib Metrobus ada aircond dari dulu sampai la nih. Kalau naik Sri Jaya, abis berpeluh2, kena diri pulak most of the time. This morning Suria FM played Spring's Pesanan Buat Kekasih. Oh, this one. I remember my roomates sang this song at one of our friend's house. Memekak jer nyanyi karaoke, zaman2 bujang la dulu.

 

Do you know that writing this is a therapy to me? My mind is so full of issues....mcm2 kak....kalau nak detail out, 10 pages? Serabut giler babe. Dulu aku relax jer dok kat office. Aku ni a bit of strategic thinker, so I need time and space to think out things and lay down the plan properly. NOW....I am expected to deal with daily operational issues....people issues...whoa....ini yg tak tahan....daily tactical issues...I am still adopting...Approving Authority pulak tu beb...kekadang bila aku nak sign, aku dok pikir, if this is my company, will I sign it? Setiap sign kang kena soal kat akhirat beb...takut makcik...dalam pada takut2 tu, kena tenyeh jugak....overwhelming pon kekadang ada rasa jugak. 

 

Dah lah tu, aku tak boleh nak huha huha mcm dulu lagik. Kang ada org rasa pelik tgk aku pulak. So, have to be yourself, but have to be a figure of authority at the same time. Camne tu? Do you have to act OLD and COLD to people? Will warmth be misinterpreted as EASY? Do I have to look OLD? NO, isn't it? That's what I've been telling myself. So by writing this, it is a indeed a therapy.

 

The other day I was caught again in a situation where I have to be creative in answering questions posed by Husna.

 

Me: Did you go to our house during the electricity blackout?

Husna : No, atok said the road tax "mati". What is road tax?

Me: Well, road tax is car owners have to pay some money to the government.

Husna: What is government?

Me : (pulok doh..., camne aku nak jawab)...well, government is the authority.

Husna : What is authority?

Me :( sambil pikir camne cara mudah nak bagi budak ni paham)...well,, authority is like at school, your teacher is the authority. Understand?

OK.....

 

Nowadays, more often I heard the veteran staff are saying something like "Well, I've tried. Many times. I don't care anymore". Dulu ramai, tapi tak declare. Now they publicly declare. Giler dahsat. Diorang mcm dah give up lah. Kesian pulak kat tmpt keje aku nih...kalau semakin ramai org yg dah give up, siapa lah yg tinggal nak tolong uruskan. You still need that emotional bond while working you know. Money is not the key driver. It's a package, but most importantly, you must like what you do, and because of that, you can easily strike an emotional bond with the stuff around you. Once that's gone, work has no meaning any longer.

 

Aku nak carik staff baru sikit punye susah lah. Kata every year ramai giler bebudak ni grad lepas tu takde kerja, yg aku ni carik staff tp susahnya nak jumpa yg berkenan....First, akademik kena bagus, kena CGPA 2.8 and above. Then tgk English SPM berapa? Mesti A or B saja. Then mesti aktif, pegang jawatan kat kolej. Kalau setakat member of clubs, tak mainlah. Ko kenalah ada jawatan tinggi sikit, VP ke, Setiausaha event ke, barulah OK. Then kena lepas interview pulak. Aku rasa statistik lebih kurang camnih - resume dapat 10, aku pilih 4, dtg interview 2, yg lepas 1. Hopefully akan terima tawaran lah. Biasanya yg bagus2 ni pulak, byk company nak amik lah pulak. Pulok doh.....so, the vicious cycle will continue. I pay particular attention to the English capability level. Kalau tak, kang aku sendiri pening asyik nak betolkan ejaan and grammar masa tulis report.

 

Wei... dah penat tulis....