Ramadhan Blues

With the fasting of Ramadhan, suddenly I have so many ideas to write about. I will try to find time to write down my thoughts.

 

First, about my friend who felt "sentap" when the girl circa 18-years old called her "makcik" while she's looking for the right "kuih" to buy at the Bazaar Ramadhan. Well, she's only 35, used to be my classmate. At this age, women generally are at the peak of their life, but the feelings still majority lie in feeling between the age of 25-30. So for that girl to call my friend "makcik", I could truly understand my friend's frustration and disgust. Besides, she's still single. Then she started to wonder, "Do I look that old?". It's hard to swallow that yes, you are half way through life, but at this age, I still want to be young. I read a fashion tip in a magazine that says, when you are at the age of 30 or 40, you can dress to make you look young, but never ever dress like the 20-year-ol's. This will only shows that you desperately want to look young, but the look on your face already shows that hey, you're way pass that age. So, kenalah sedar diri sikit. Dress elegantly, to suit your maturity and wisdom.

 

In the first morning of sahur, the moment of waking up at 4.30am to prepare food for husband and daughter, suddenly I felt like it was a slight burden. There you are stuck at 4.30am to prepare food for the whole 1 month - regardless whether you yourself are going to fast on that day. Then while taking out the food from the fridge, and turning on the flame, I realized that my mom has been doing this all her life. What did I do normally? I just woke up and tadaaaaa.....rice on the plate, drinks at side, ready to be swallowed. Usually around 5.00 to 5.15am. Finished the food, wash my plate and that was it. I could even catch some more sleep right after sahur while sitting on the couch. Well, that period of easy life has long gone. Now, I am responsible to wake up and do all that stuff that I used to dread. In the morning at 430am life is apparently very quiet. I gives you chance to ponder deeply, why the heck am I up at this hour to do cooking. Then some kind of melodramatic feelings would absorp into you such that you would feel the serenity of the wee hours. Enjoy the calmness, quietness, away from daily bustle at the kitchen. Then it came. Suddenly you would feel that this is what "isteri or ibu solehah" need to do. That kind of feelings that comfort you to say that - this is it - this is what you have to do as a muslimah, to prepare food as sahur for the family, so that your Ramadhan will be more barakah, and insya Allah it will bring you happiness, while cooking and while seeing they're eating and while cleaning up after that. Perhaps this little effort of sacrifice may be a burden at one moment, but at another moment, you will feel relief and actually enjoy doing it. This is like a strata of acceptance level I would say. Denial - Understand - Accept - Commit. Talk about trying to relate concepts learnt in classroom training to daily life.

 

The TESCO clubcard has driven me crazy. They always send me these little coupons that make you desire to visit their store even though sometimes there is no need to go, just because the coupons are so enticing! The diapers, the milk powder, the eggs, the cultured drinks, all those are high consumption items in the house, and they have successfully applied the concept of psychology to drag your heart and mind to pay a visit to their store. And they have limited lifespan. It makes you feel stupid if you don't go. The discount is just so great. This coupons thingy reminds me of life in the States. Everyhting is coupon-driven. Talk about enticing customers from their home to rush to the store. I have to control myself, horribly, since I would pass their store daily on my way to and from the office.

 

It's time to leave. I'm doing an interview for my group projec for MDP. *SIGH*...