My Being for the Day

Perasaan saya hari ini bercampur baur.

Ada rasa takut.

Ada rasa benci.

Ada rasa mungkin ini lah peluang nak membuat ibadat the "unconventional" way, something out of the box.

Ada rasa marah.

Ada rasa geram.

Ada rasa syukur, maybe sikit lah part ni.

Ada rasa meluat and menyampah.

Ada rasa terribly being betrayed.

Ada rasa macam nak potong jer anggota badan orang mana2 yg patut.

Eh, dah macam2 rasa lah. Sebab tu rasa kadang2 OK, but most of the time, aku kena selalu bermujahadah.

 

Wow, mujahadah. Nama seakan-akan muhasabah lah.

Muhasabah - hisab - hitung diri, berapa byk pahala dah buat, berapa byk dosa dah buat.

Mujahadah - jihad - perjuangan mesti diteruskan, perjalanan masih jauh, hidup adalah satu perjuangan.

So, have to combine both. Pening kepala makcik.

 

Memang betullah. Allah takkan kurniakan iman sesuka hati, Dia akan bagi ujian dalam hidup, setanding amal dan ilmu kita.

This is something really out of the conventional way of helping people.

It also means that I have to sacrifice myself and also my children's future.

Ini topic berat.

 

Emotional roller coaster. Iman pon macam roller coaster jugak. Teringat aku naik roller coaster kat Six Flags and Cedar Point dulu.

Nak luahkan, mcm nak kena rahsia. Lagi pening lah.....

 

I can only mengadu and reveal to Allah all my challenges in life. But being normal human being, sometimes I need ideas too, bounce ideas how to make things better.

It's quite difficult also to choose what to reveal and what to keep during interactions with fellow listeners.

Hah....the only channel - Forum dalam Internet. Anonymous and can say whatever you want, get whatever advice you want.