Air Mata Kasih

Hari ini aku rasa teramat sedih.
Kisah sedih aku ni malangnya tak boleh dikongsi, sebab akan menimbulkan keaiban.
Sampai bila harus aku bersedih?
Bila kita bersedih, automatik air mata akan keluar, walau macam mana kental atau dicuba tahan dari melimpah ruah, kalau dah byk sgt, gerenti akan meluncur laju jugak kan.

Apa gunanya air mata?

Paling bagus:
Sebagai pemadam kepada api neraka - iaitu air mata org yg bertaubat dgn bersungguh2 di hadapan Allah dan berjanji tidak akan mengulangi perbuatan jahatnya. Air mata itu akan menjadi penghadang kelak ketika ia hampir dimasukkan ke neraka.

Paling tak bagus:
Air mata sebagai senjata meraih simpati. Macam org mintak sedekah ke, mintak belas kasihan, etc. Contoh paling jelas, mcm air mata Norman Hakim saat lafaz cerai di court dulu tuh, omputih panggil "crocodile tears". Konon terasa macam nak mati, tapi 2-3 hari lepas tu member siap pegi lepak kat rumah org tu kat Kota. Air mata jenis apakah itu?

Dalam banyak kes, orang akan keluarkan air mata kerana sedih, sangat jarang kerana bergembira. Sedih kerana ada byk sebab, antaranya:

• Sangat kecewa, tapi tak boleh diluahkan.
• Begitu terhiris hatinya, segala harapan selama ini hancur lebur jadik debu.
• Tidak nampak sinar kebahagiaan dihujung jalan (ada lagi ke sinar itu?).
• Hmmm....mungkin jugak mati punca (reaching a dead end, with no way out).

Ada orang lelaki akan cair dgn air mata org pompuan. Ada jugak spesis yg tak makan jadah langsung. Macammana kita nak kategorikan org lelaki ini ye?
Adakah lelaki yg turut bersedih bila tgk pompuan menangis, dan kemudian cuba memujuk, boleh dikategorikan sebagai lelaki sejati?
Adakah lelaki yg tak makan jadah langsung boleh dikategorikan sebagai "h**** j****"?
Apa kena dgn aku hari ini ek?

Takat mana boleh kita kira air mata sudah tidak bermakna? Adakah selepas sekujur tubuh terbaring kaku, setelah roh ditarik oleh Izrael, maka baru dengan kejadian itu barulah air mata menjadi tidak bermakna? Apa yg harus kita lakukan supaya kita tidak sampai kearah ini, di mana segala-galanya telah terlambat?

Hai lah air mata. Aku harap kau akan keluar di waktu strategik sahaja....teringat aku kat satu lagu lama nih...

Air mata kasih, berlinangan
Berlinangan selalu...

Malaysia's Next Top Model

Cuba korang tengok gaya anak aku yg sulong tu - si Husna.
Aku tak pernah ajar dia berposing, sebab aku sendiri tak pandai nak beri pose menarik.
Dah la kaki panjang2 belaka (ikut baka kuat sebelah bapak dia), dia confirm dgn aku dialah yg paling tinggi dlm kelas setakat ni. Budak laki pun ketot jer.
Si Husna now pakai baju size budak 8-10 tahun, padahal umoq baru je 5 tahung.
Si adik dia Huda lak, pakai baju size budak 6-7 tahung, padahal baru je cecah 3 tahung.
Hah yg itu masih menuntut ilmu camner nak bagi pose menarik.

Oh, ini pix masa aku survey fridge kat Courts, sebab fridge yg dari zaman anak dara dulu tu dah locak lah...adalah dekat 10 tahung pakai...so oklah, kira boleh accept kalau locak pung..

Huda's new version of songs (2 in 1).

Huda kalau nyanyi mcm ni:

Baa baa lek chip, Hewu any wuuuul
Yeh cher yeh cher, ti beg puuullll
One for menester, And one for ne nemmmm
And one liter two liter tee liter indians...

Pening kepala makcik...dia pantang kalau org cuba betulkan dia nyanyi..so aku pon biarkan jer lah...

Fenin...

My head is spinning like crazy these past few days. So much things to think about. Among others:
TAXXXXXX - bila mau bayar dah..
AJIT - this is the pioneer month. We have to make it right.
WORK - getting more complicated and like h*** I have to finish them. Pening lah...
HIJRAH - to work in KL or to stay put? This is one h*** of a question...

OK, let's see. Actually the 4th point has been mind boggling lately. Let me try to rationalize.

What do I get if I move to KL?
Same salary.
Better choices - weekend activities, seminars, book fairs, where to shop, etc etc.
Better view - maybe when we are away from the place, we can think better, I mean more strategically, the very need of this department.
Better career path - maybe expedited?

What if I were to stay put?
Status quo - nothing got changed.
Similar activities, same expectation.

I am really in limbo. 50-50 lah...help.....tapi abangku Mr X tak mahu pindah...susah betul lah...

I miss those days...

I miss those days...when the car or bus driver would stop when I wanted to cross the road. Pedestrians first, in their minds, and we tend to follow the rule.

I miss those days...when the bus driver would say "Hi!" or "Hello!" or "How are you today?" when I alighted the bus and "Have a nice day" or "Have a nice weekend" or "Enjoy your holidays" when I wanted to get off from the bus. They said that to practically every passenger. Imagine the sensitivity and cohesiveness.

I miss those days...when the cashier at the counter would ask "Paper or plastic, maam?". This would indirectly indicated how much you love Mother Nature as you always claim.

I miss those days...when people around always said "Thank you" or "What's up?" to show appreciation and empathy to you. Where have all these beautiful words gone?

I miss those days...when I could easily return things to the store where I bought them, without much questions asked. Sometimes I just said "I don't like it" and got my money back. Truly money back guaranteed.

I miss those days... when we shared orders for Victoria Secrets, J. Crew, and any other things we could think off to get them via catalog..how lovely...

I miss those days...when I walked more and cycled more than driving more to move around. I was maintaining weight of about 100 lbs...convert that to kg huh...

I miss those days...when I thought that people actually cared for and missed me. They sent cards, gifts, love letters, flowers, etc...huhu...it's been long gone....

I really really miss those days.

Macam-macam Ada

PPA

I hate April. It's the season for performance appraisal. I have to fill up the results achieved based on my Individual Performance Contract (IPC), previously known as PPA (Personal Performance Planning & Appraisal). You see, when you hold a manager position, they call it IPC, even though in reality you're still an executive "cabuk" by ranking and this includes how they compensate you. IPC sounds nicer, but not nice at all in terms of content and expectation.

Results achieved. The 2 deadly words. My boss defines results as something related to:

1. Cost savings - how much RM? how many % reduction from current rates?
2. Productivity improved - what's the reduction in time taken?
3. Success rate - how many % improved?

Words like trained 200 people, improved compliance, done more than the required number and the likes, are considered as "activities". Activities do not amount to credit. Hence, regardless if other people who are supposed to do it did not do it in order to get the results, you're still responsible and therefore, must share the punishment.

The expectation has always been the same. But somehow this year is really up to the limit already for me. It has punished me to think to save my *** from getting a rating 4 - does not meet expectation - for certain areas. Yesterday's first round discussion took almost 3 hours, until at the end I just nodded and jotted, didn't bother to retaliate any longer. Suara batukku semakin hilang...It's driving me nuts.

On the upside, my GM asked "So, you're ready to move to KL?" Alamak...I just kept silent. This is another change waiting to happen. They plan to move my comrades to KL, so we can spot dead body along Sungai Gombak when lucky, join the club of pushing-and-tumbling commuters on the LRT with nearest pit stop at Pasar Seni and experience having an office in a high rise building, everyday facing the people whom we constantly curse over here.

My oh my...I have to think of where to live, how best to commute cheaply, what to do with my house, where is the best pre-school for my kids...kat mana nak hantar ngaji, darjah 1 kat mana nak register...haiyaaaa...but why I said Upside? Well, at least I got the chance to report to a different boss...insya Allah for the better.

The only constant thing in life in CHANGE, as they say it.


Aziz's Screw

Last Monday I met Aziz CfP to revive the AJIT plan. He screwed us like crazy. I mean really screwed. It felt awkward since I have not been shouted at for a long long time. I've been good I guess. He was damn mad. I did not re-finance the house using HSBC package as he wanted me to. Apparently he had other plan which at that time he did not tell me. I didn't anticipate at all the next steps, as a result I have ruined the original plan. "You all pegi carik Advisor lain lah. Menyampah dapat client mcm nih...Pandai2 buat plan sendiri"..He then left us with his assistants for almost 30 minutes. We scrambled and struggled to re-develop the plan. I was sad allright, because it was a justified move for me. But somehow I managed to keep cool. I have learnt the hard way on how to control my emotional stability (well, this is also measured in the Performance Appraisal). If I can take the emotional abuse, I can take anything, I was thinking. True enough. I was quiet and pretended that nothing had happened. Mr. X was quiet too, as always.

After he cooled himself down, Aziz got back to us, and said "You all tak patut buat mcm ni. I tak suka marah2 orang. It spoilt my mood for the day". It was at 5.30pm. We said sorry to him, and things moved on as usual. He had constructed for us a very difficult plan. Without discipline and full commitment he said, we are doomed. One thing for sure, we both are clear this time. I know Mr. X shared the same passion and commitment. We'll see how this one will turn out. I will surely update the story.


My Speedy Green

Speedy Green was GREAT! RM70 full tank can go up to 540km max. RM1 = 7.7 km. Allright lah...I therefore would like to confirm that the perception that Nissan cars are not fuel efficient is not true at all. They are at par with Honda and Toyota, except less publicity in Malaysia. In 2 weeks it has reached 1000km. First time service at Nissan Auto Car Care Center, professional treatment I should say. Memang jauh beza lah dgn standard Proton/Perodua.

Aziz was furious I bought this car. An added salt to the wound. There goes my plan.

Upside - I don't feel pain in my leg anymore. The real wealth, is health, as they say it.

Oh, Aziz's wife told us he got diabetic attack last few months. Kesian. Now he's on insulin treatment everyday. Real wealth is health. He agreed.

Speedy Green

I've got several anxious query about the new car. Sometimes it feels good to create suspense a little bit. Just something that can make us look forward to search for the answer. Well friends, I can't hold it any longer.

The last few days before letting go of the Myvi, I got a little emotional, again. It's not that I purposely wanted to get rid of you. You have served me well, but my painful legs will persist if I were to continuously clinging to you. The pain had become unbearable. And at nite before going to sleep, I had no masseuse who'd willingly massage my legs. Oh dear, this is how it had to end. Believe me, I had that connection with you, and someday I'm sure you'll understand.

Taaaadaaaaaaaa...finally, mystery solved. The unveiling of my new Speedy Green. Shown here is the location where we'd surveyed and tested drive the car. Nissan showroom in Plentong, JB. The salesman was busy unwrapping the plastics cover of the seats.

View from side. The pead's version was in red. I did request for red, but the red model was of 2008. This is the exact version of the car which I'd tested. I consider it as green, even though the registration says it's KUNING.

Voila, finally I get to bring back and drive an imported car under my name. I can't say I own it since it still belongs to the financer, truthfully.

Already I got comments like - "sayangnya bawak kete ni masuk yard, abis kena habuk blasting...". Well, the car is meant to be used. For my own comfy. It's value is not going to appreciate anyway if I were to leave it at home. It is meant to be driven. What to do...

So far in the place where I work, I've seen 1 red Latio Sedan driven by my friend - Hizam. The other 1 belongs to me. I guess the two of us can start a Nissan club after this (as already spoken to him this morning, he agreed).

My boss also got to know about it and he made a comment allright. Albeit surprised (since he was a spend thrift freak), he was happy for me since it was a Nissan. "Oh, my 1st car was a Sunny. 120Y". I guessed he must have used it for umpteenth number of years. His Wira is already reaching 15 years.

Fellas, no more surprise. I will update on its performance and fuel consumption soon. As of now, it feels great to speed on the road!